Music — and songs, in particular — can trigger memories for many people. It’s not uncommon to remember a loved one, a special moment or even a location when a certain song or other musical composition is heard.
For Bruce Milligan, the song “You and Me Against the World,” a 1974 adult contemporary hit written and performed by Helen Reddy, evokes poignant memories. Bruce recalls that song playing on the car radio as he and his mother, Arlene Milligan, were leaving Endeavor Health Evanston Hospital after one of her cancer treatment appointments in the early 1980s.
“I heard [that song] as we left the hospital garage,” he recalled, “and when I heard that line, ‘when one of us is gone and one of us is left to carry on,’ it sent a shiver up my spine. And it still does to this day.”
The song — with its poignant central theme about the bond between a mother and child — became their anthem capturing how they worked together, bravely finding a way to persevere through cancer treatment, until the end.
A mother remembered
Arlene was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 1978. After a short remission, it came back in 1980. Since his parents were divorced, Bruce became the primary caregiver for his mother during her second bout with cancer — when she needed it the most — until her death in 1981.
“My mom was a very loving person who had a great sense of humor. She liked to laugh a lot,” Bruce recalled. “She instilled a faith in God, which has lasted a lifetime, and she taught me the importance of giving. We learned about the return of her cancer during the last part of my senior year in college. Despite her diagnosis, she insisted that I finish and get my degree before coming home to take care of her.
“She was very courageous during her battle with cancer. I learned a lot about faith, courage and love during the times we were together. These really were the ‘days of you and me against the world.’”
He continued, “But what I remember most about her was her devotion to her children. She was so supportive of us, and she was looking forward to being a grandmother. Unfortunately, she passed away a few months before the first of her six grandchildren were born.”
A trusted partner
To help his mother during her appointments, Bruce would often take the L from downtown Chicago or drive from the city and park on Central Avenue near Evanston Hospital. He remembers finding a helpful and trusted partner in Janardan Khandekar, MD, the current Director for the Center for Molecular Medicine who was the Director of the Kellogg Cancer Center at the time.
“Cancer killed her, but Dr. Khandekar tried to help her,” Bruce said. “I remember him from that whole experience, and he did what he could.”
After moving back to the Evanston area 40 years later, Bruce was surprised to hear Dr. Khandekar is still working at Evanston Hospital and remembers Arlene as one of his former patients.
“Among the large number of patients I’ve had the privilege of taking care of over several decades, I still remember Bruce and his mother,” recalled Dr. Khandekar. “Despite very challenging medical problems, she faced her disease with bravery and dignity.”
“Bruce, who was then very young at the time, always came with his mother for her cancer treatments,” he continued. “Both of them left such a mark on me that I attended her funeral to pay my respects.”
Bruce shared that it meant a great deal to him that Dr. Khandekar attended his mother’s funeral services.
“It was likely not easy for him, but it speaks volumes for the type of person he is,” Bruce said. “I will always be grateful for his skill, kindness and compassion during a very difficult time.”
Making memories last
Bruce’s consulting company, White Lake Consulting, started making philanthropic gifts to nonprofit organizations as a way to carry on his mother’s spirit of goodwill. For many years, this philanthropy has included the Kellogg Cancer Center at Evanston Hospital. In addition to his support to help cancer patients and caregivers, Bruce decided to honor his mother by dedicating a plaque in her memory.
“It was a heartbreaking part of my life,” he said, “but I’m grateful for the time I had with my mother.”
The plaque was dedicated at a private unveiling with Dr. Khandekar, who joined Bruce and reconnected with his former patient’s caregiver.
The plaque includes lyrics from the Helen Reddy song Bruce shared with his mother and serves as a lasting memorial to a woman who meant so much to those who knew her.
“It’s been healing to close that chapter of my life,” Bruce added. “This is my way of doing that.”
These inspirational stories would not be possible without philanthropic support. We are powered by the generosity of donors who directly impact our ability to deliver on our commitment to providing community-connected care for every person, every time.
To learn more about planned giving, please visit our planned giving website or contact Kate Chappell, Director of Planned Giving at kchappell@northshore.org.
Masthead photo (left to right): Bruce Milligan and Janardan Khandekar, MD appear with the newly installed plaque
Photo credit: Jon Hillenbrand
